This year’s films might not be ‘fun,’ but they definitely deserve to be seen

What a cheery lot the Oscar nominees are this year. Hip-hip-hooray for hard-hearted, murdering oil tycoons and psychotic hitmen with Brian Wilson haircuts and slaughterhouse sidearms! Three cheers for corrupt, insane lawyers and lives forever ruined by the idiotic machinations of a wicked little girl!

Really, when the happiest movie you see is a lighthearted comedy about teen pregnancy, you know you’re in for another heavy year at the Academy Awards. Is it any wonder why the films the Academy celebrates continue to drift farther from those actually watched by any large number of people?

Of the five films nominated for Best Motion Picture, only one has cracked the $100-million mark at the box office, and that’s “Juno,” by far the most accessible of all the films in the big categories.

In this very division, however, is the heart of what Oscar has become. While it still earns respectable ratings each year, Oscar has strayed from the celebration of movies people actually watched to a celebration of movies people would be watching if we critics had our way.

Or perhaps you might say that the American movie-going public’s taste has strayed to idiotic fare such as “National Treasure: Book of Secrets” and “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is simply attempting to remind us that good films are still being made, even if we choose not to see them.

Either way, the Oscars represent a valiant attempt by the movie industry to get us to watch more movies. By celebrating the films, actors, directors, etc., that contribute to the success of films people will actually still be talking about in 50 years, the Academy reminds us of what we’re missing when we only go to the movies for guns and boobs and big explosions.

Or maybe it’s just an interminable commercial for a bunch of pretentious crap that failed to recoup its cost at arthouse theaters. Feel free to judge for yourself.

I tend to side with the former, and use the Oscars as an excuse to spend massive amounts of time each January and February holed up in movie theaters or on my couch, taking in enough great films to make Nicholas Cage remember that he has a soul — and maybe even some talent — buried deep beneath his greedy, soulless existence.

In the past week, I’ve watched “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly,” “Away From Her,” “La Vie En Rose,” “Gone Baby Gone” and “Michael Clayton.” I can’t really say that I’d had a great desire to see them before, at least not as great a desire as I had to see “Grindhouse” or “Cloverfield,” and yet I’m glad I watched every single one. Great art is like that. It’s daunting only until you let it happen to you, at which point it becomes another life-altering experience that you wonder why you ever avoided.

While any awards show is certainly about winners and losers, I prefer to think of the Oscars as being about films and their ability to change the way we experience the world around us. Unlike the Grammies, which are a pathetic popularity contest populated by indistinguishably mediocre muzak, The Oscars aren’t motivated by money or sales, but rather by actually recognizing jobs well done.

The Academy Awards might be a popularity contest, but if so, it’s to decide who the most popular geek on the back of the bus is. And while I might assert that that isn’t really the point, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy trying to pick the winners, especially at Oscar parties populated by ballot-wielding know-it-alls frothing at the mouth to see their favorite film recognized.

So, in that spirit, I offer my picks for what will win, what should win and what should have been nominated in each of the major categories. Enjoy. But first, a short disclaimer:

The following list is for entertainment purposes only and should not be used to influence your financial future. If it turns out to be horribly wrong, please take that opportunity for self-satisfaction and leave my sulking ass alone. Thank you.

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Will win: “No Country for Old Men”

Should win: “There Will be Blood”

Should have been nominated: “Into the Wild”

Best Achievement in Directing

Will win: Joel and Ethan Coen for “No Country for Old Men”

Should win: Paul Thomas Anderson for “There Will be Blood”

Should have been nominated: Sidney Lumet for “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead”

Best Performance by an actor in a leading role

Will win: Daniel Day Lewis for “There Will Be Blood”

Should win: Daniel Day Lewis for “There Will Be Blood”

Should have been nominated: Emile Hirsh for “Into the Wild”

Best performance by an actress in a leading role

Will win: Ellen Page for “Juno”

Should win: Marion Cotillard for “La Vie En Rose”

Should have been nominated: Christina Ricci for “Black Snake Moan”

Best performance by an actor in a supporting role

Will win: Javier Bardem for “No Country for Old Men”

Should win: Hal Holbrook for “Into the Wild”

Should have been nominated: Kurt Russell for “Grindhouse: Deathproof”

Best performance by an actress in a supporting role

Will win: Cate Blanchett for “I’m Not There”

Should win: Cate Blanchett for “I’m Not There”

Should have been nominated: Helena Bonham Carter for “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”

Best Original screenplay

Will win: Tony Gilroy for “Michael Clayton”

Should win: Tony Gilroy for “Michael Clayton”

Should have been nominated: Craig Brewer for “Black Snake Moan”

Best adapted screenplay

Will win: Joel and Ethan Coen for “No Country for Old Men”

Should win: Paul Thomas Anderson for “There Will Be Blood”

Should have been nominated: Sean Penn for “Into the Wild”

Best original score

Will win: James Newton Howard for “Michael Clayton”

Should win: Marco Beltrami for “3:10 to Yuma”

Should have been nominated: Johnny Greenwood for “There Will Be Blood”

Well, that’s it. Good luck in all your Oscar pools, and remember: It’s not about whether you win or lose, but how ignorant you make everybody else feel at the party. Here’s to cinematic snobbery.

Jake TenPas can be reached at jake.tenpas@lee.net or 758-9514.