LOS ANGELES — Random thoughts, while waiting for my shipment of 100,000 Manny Ramirez wigs to arrive from Shanghai:

• I really hope L.A. can get a handle on its paparazzi crisis. You know, before the place becomes just unlivable.

• When exactly did our major airlines begin to operate like developing nations?

• Next big trend in kitchen design: the recharging nook for cameras, cell phones, MP3 players ...

• Matt Lauer is the most underrated interviewer on TV.

• Cohort Natalie Morales isn’t a newswoman; she’s a Vogue cover.

• When in doubt, right click.

• When in doubt, order another bottle.

• There are few things as life-affirming as a really good waffle.

• Most underrated vegetables: beer, popcorn and cocktail onions.

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.”

— Bill Cosby

• Most valuable tool: a decent pair of Channellock pliers.

• Second most valuable tool: my buddy Rhymer.

• Health is simple: When you don’t look OK in jeans, it’s time to lose weight.

• Go figure, we didn’t get June gloom, but we’re getting August gloom.

• These days, I prefer to get most of my gloom at work.

• Drill bit tip: If your drill slips while boring through tile, use a small block of wood to steady it.

• Look-alikes: James Taylor and Robert Duvall. Seriously.

• A half-million Dodger Dogs later, I’m still always shocked by the price of stadium food.

• Best baseball tip of all time: “Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing.”

— Warren Spahn

• Life is timing.

• All computers are kind of haunted.

• So is every old hotel.

• Remember when having enough RAM was a really big deal?

• Sign of the times: I have 600 photos in my camera and two in my wallet.

• If the Cubs go to the World Series, then I’m going to have to dig out my Ernie Banks underwear.

• Oh, wait, I’m already wearing them.

• Did the car companies really need a gas crisis to figure out that consumers would go nuts for 50-miles-per-gallon hybrids?

• Those Einsteins at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory should give the rockets a rest and spend the next five years on alternative energy solutions.

• So should the rest of NASA.

• Cold soup always tastes like a mistake to me.

• Barack Obama would be more formidable running alone than with most of the VP suggestions I’m hearing.

• Too bad Mark Twain is no longer available.

• Or W.C. Fields.

• Hey, Donny Deutsch, I have a big idea for you. Get a job!

• Nobody ever wrote a letter to the editor without at least five exclamation points.

• If “Young Frankenstein” and “The Producers” can go to Broadway, why not “Duck Soup”?

• We sure could use more Marx Brothers right now.

• By the way, whatever happened to the Marx Sisters?

• I’m pretty sure they’re running a B&B in Freedonia.

• “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

— Groucho Marx

• Meryl Streep suddenly seems to have turned into Polly “Kiss my grits” Holliday.

• Somehow, I’m starting to think Ed McMahon had us all duped. And maybe Brett Favre, too.

• “30 Rock” is a lot of fun, but no show has ever been better than “Cheers” in its prime.

• OK, maybe “MASH.”

• OK, maybe “Seinfeld.”

• “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

— Victor Borge

Erskine can be reached at chris.erskine@latimes.com.