Chris Erskine | Posted: Thursday, April 5, 2007 10:00 pm
LOS ANGELES - Random thoughts while waiting for the eggs to boil and the beer to chill:
• Julie Andrews stole my haircut.
• TV stole my soul.
• Where there's a will, there's a relative.
• After all these years, I still don't understand a word Mick Jagger says.
• If Kobe's going to score half the Lakers' points, the least his teammates could do is play ferocious defense.
• Do metrosexuals have
metrosex?
• To me, electricity will always seem like magic.
• So will air travel.
• So will zippers.
• "Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of." - Author Kathy Lette
• The best movies are always on at 2 in the morning.
• I'm a light eater. As long as it's light out, I'll eat.
• Everybody looks good in a Dodgers cap.
• Nobody looks good eating a Dodger Dog.
• Fifteen bucks to park at Dodger Stadium? For that, I could almost buy a beer.
• Another sign of the moral apocalypse: "The Sopranos" finally returns ... on Easter Sunday.
• Tony Soprano's 84 now, right?
• No one has time for hobbies anymore.
• No one has time for anything anymore.
• Remember when getting your library card was a big deal?
• Best sports book in years: "Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich," by Mark Kriegel.
• I'll show Julie Andrews: Next time, I'm going to copyright my haircut.
• "The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." - W. Somerset Maugham
• Seriously, Somerset is my favorite time of day.
• Handyman tip (courtesy of This Old House magazine): In a pinch, dental floss can be used to tie down a car trunk. Or sew on a shirt button.
• America's most underrated actor: Chris Cooper.
• America's best new sitcom star: Tina Fey.
• Amber Alert: Helen Hunt.
• Everybody should be married in Las Vegas. At least once.
• Three words I never want to hear together: Skincare for men.
• "The Shooter" is the best shoot-'em-up since World War II.
• Pete Maravich could've been a Beatle.
• My buddy Kuby says that you know you have literacy issues when drivers slow down to figure out what an arrow means.
• "Buy real estate. God's not making any more of it." - Tony Soprano
• Tapioca is the best pudding.
• Cherry is the best pie.
• Ann Coulter is a two-fisted thinker. So is Bill Maher.
• Hockey should use two pucks.
• A match made in movie heaven: Lewis Black and Sarah Silverman.
• She could play his mother.
• Suggested plotline for the final season of "The Sopranos": Tony confronts his special feelings for Paulie Walnuts.
• Hey, storytelling is all about surprise.
• How soon before the Dodgers offer a "gangs only" section?
• And how about a special section for all those idiots who spend the entire game on their cellphones?
• Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton: Generation Sex.
• Amber Alert II: My buddy Eugene.
• Brain buster: If each day represents a smaller percentage of your life than the day before, does that mean that each passing day seems progressively shorter?
• Best reason to watch the "Today" show: Natalie Morales.
• Seriously, if you'll steal a man's haircut, you'll steal anything.
• Brevity is the soul of wit.
• Brevity is the soul.
• Brevity.
Contact Chris Erskine at chris.erskine@latimes.com