Carolyn: My mother-in-law is insisting she should be in the delivery room when my son is born. I don't want extra people in the room, anyone other than my husband and my own mother. My husband feels he is between a rock and a hard place, because his mother and I are both adamant.

But I think I get to choose, because I will be the one in labor. I already told my MIL that I am uncomfortable with her presence during delivery, and she apparently spent a week crying about it, much to the dismay of my husband and father-in-law, who are pressuring me to change my mind because they are used to giving her her way when she does the drama thing. But I feel it is important to set some boundaries and not be manipulated. Do you think I am being unfair?

- Va.

Dear Va.: I think I am chromosomally incapable of sympathizing with anyone who'd bully her way into the delivery room of a woman who has said that she isn't wanted there.

Therefore, by extension, there's no sympathy here for your husband either, who is not between a rock and a hard place, but between a sane and a stupid place. A forehead and a hand place.

If he were writing, I would suggest he avail himself of this valuable opportunity to practice being your husband and your child's father, by letting his mother know where her family leaves off and where his begins.

He can say very sympathetically that he understands how much this means to her, but that you and he have made your decision: that you're the one running this marathon, your needs are paramount and the matter is closed.

But he isn't writing to me, so all I can do is encourage you to hold that boundary.

It might help, too, if you can find some other bone you wouldn't mind throwing your mother-in-law's way. Invite her, say, to help you pick out X, or decide on Y. She deserves some acknowledgment to show that she's not just "extra people," she's the grandma.

Finally, don't be afraid to let others do the dirty work. You'll have enough to worry about, so warn the obstetric nurses they need to barricade the door.

If you want something, pay for it by yourself

Carolyn: Who pays for the wedding pictures - the bride and groom, or the parents of the bride?

- A.

Dear A: "Normally." How quaint.

Normally, the person who wants something pays for it, and the only exception is when someone else volunteers. Because you're asking, I have to believe the people who want them either can't or don't want to pay, and her parents haven't volunteered.

If so, then bride and groom either find the money, skip the photographer, or take enough luxuries out of the picture so they can record the ones they keep.

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