and Dan Zak

The Washington Post

Dear Wise Guys:

Why do toothbrush makers insist on making handles that are too fat? They don't fit into the holders that were made for them. Drives me nuts!

- Frustrated

Joe: I feel your pain, Frustrated. I've replaced my toothbrush holder four times in six months just to accommodate the growing size of toothbrush handles.

Dan: There's actually a free toothbrush whittling workshop i

n Capitol Hill this Thursday. Just show up with your oversize brush and get ready to pare that sucker down to size.

Joe: I'm almost certain that's not true. Anyway, I called the folks at Colgate about this, and they told me the large handles "are ergonomic

ally designed to fit comfortably and snugly in the hand'' and that "while there is no standard size for toothbrush holders, an increasing number of manufacturers make holders with larger holes.''

Justin: That's corporate speak for "just deal with it.''

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D

ear Wise Guys:

Considering that no one would know from firsthand experience, why is the prevailing premise in most popular science fiction literature, cinema and television programs that aliens are evil and want to do harm to earthlings?

- Gort

Dan: If the

aliens were friendly, there would be no conflict and, hence, no movie. Can you imagine if the alien in "Alien'' had burst out of John Hurt's stomach and said, "My word, I'm terribly sorry. Let's get some gauze for this chap''?

Joe: I don't buy the premise

of the question. Mork was a friendly alien. And so were E.T. and Alf. And how about Jerry Maguire?

Justin: Jerry Maguire wasn't an alien.

Joe: No, but he was played by one.

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Dear Wise Guys:

If a cat's natural prey is small critters like mice and birds, h

ow come they don't make mouse-flavored cat food?

- Phil

Joe: Cats can kill mice and small birds on their own. What they can't do is fish or take down a cow in a pasture. For those evasive species, they rely on the goodness of pet food makers to supply them

with an infinite variety of tasty treats in shiny packages.

Justin: And they no more want a steady diet of mouse-flavored food than you would want to eat only Hot Pockets.

Dan: I once baited a mousetrap with a bit of Hot Pocket. We never caught the mouse,

but the rest of the Hot Pocket was delicious.

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This week's motto: Three Prince Charmings Whose Knowledge Is Alarming (submitted by Christina Yao)

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Have a question only the Three Wise Guys can answer? Send it to wiseguys@washpost.com and await their word

s of wise-dom.